They Call Me Wobbly Knees

We all know the feeling: standing in front of a room, sometimes on a stage, often in front of rows of people, some enthusiastically nodding along to your talk, most gazing blankly, so that you wonder if they're even paying attention. If you're lucky you have notecards to guide you along, maybe even a partner to share the spotlight with, but the nerves can never fulling disappear.

If you're like me, you're hands are probably sweaty and shaking so hard you're amazed the notecards haven't gone flying away. The room definitely is way too hot and your lunch is attempting to crawl its way back up your throat. These are the terrible symptoms of public speaking (at least in my experience).

To this day, surprisingly, I've only actually given a few speeches, the biggest, scariest, and most recent being my community service presentation in ninth grade. There have been several smaller presentations peppered throughout the last three years, but none required as much preparation, time, or garnered as many nerves. Within our first couple months as high schoolers, we were expected to present to several teachers our work in the community as part of the first of the FLEX program, a program that involved a different community related project each year and culminated with a senior project required to graduate from my high school.

If I recall correctly, these presentations, to be given alone, had to be around seven minutes, given in professional attire, and the evaluators were said to deduct a point for each verbal filler used (though I'm not entirely certain the validity of the last statement). I prepared the entire summer doing the physical service helping with summer programs at Animal Friends and spent several hours writing my speech on notecards and putting information on my slides. I was so nervous while giving the speech that after I finished, my friend informed me she could see my knees shaking from the back of the classroom. As it turns out, this presentation was completely useless, as Chartiers Valley got rid of the FLEX program the very next year, and students were no longer required to present a senior project before graduation. What the speech did accomplish, however, was inspiring me to avidly avoid public speaking as much as humanly possible for the rest of my life, hence my lackluster public speaking "resume."

Any speeches given since have involved similar reactions as my first, with sweaty, shaky body and uncomfortable nausea. Though I've been able to suppress the shaking so as not to be obvious to a crowd, I still emulate nervousness through awkward repetitive movements and quiet talking, habits I have even when simply talking to a stranger or someone I'm not 100 percent comfortable with. Not only would I like to train these habits away to improve my performance in public speaking, I'd like to not look like an absolute loon while talking to people that aren't my friends and family.

Of the Social Media Neediness of 2016

Social media encircles is all, whether you snap, tweet, and instagram, or you stick to the classic Facebook, every person is somehow involved in the internet phenomenon. We've seen great triumphs come through social media, like the Arab Spring revolutions of 2010 that were largely orchestrated on social media. The benefits of social media seem to be obvious and endless, but too many users are unwilling to see the dark side of media, the decline of face-to-face interaction accompanying the increasing need to stay “connected” at all times.

In 2016, it is hard to miss the productivity and connectivity of social media; it helps keep us in contact with loved ones, promotes our businesses, and spreads important news to the world. When I travelled to Germany last summer, I found out same-sex marriage was legalized on a federal level through a tweet from @BuzzFeedNews, and all the subsequent tweets from jubilant supporters of the movement. Had I not logged onto twitter that at that time, I probably would not have found out for days, or maybe not even until after I returned. Messaging apps like WhatsApp and KakaoTalk enabled me and my family to text without having to front outrageous international phone charges, as well as the video chat capabilities of Facebook Messenger and Skype.

In The Circle, particularly in the beginning of the novel before it becomes clear the overwhelming power the company holds, similar benefits are seen. TruYou disables anonymity, drastically lowering bullying and other digital harassment that is perpetuated when internet users can "mask" themselves behind a computer screen. The sheer involvement of Circlers in networking allows people of similar beliefs to meet and discuss their passions with like-minded people.

What goes often unnoticed is the creation of an entirely separate world from reality. Though anonymity is not possible through TruYou and The Circle's services, the ability to create separate, online personalities creates a gateway for many people to get lost in the endless appeal of social media. Even if the account is not created under an alias or anonymously, an internet presence, like an Instagram account or a Tumblr blog, opens up a whole new world to explore. Number of followers, likes, or views becomes a form of validation, similar to athletic competitions in which the best participants receive awards for their accomplishments.

Just like followers on Instagram or views on Youtube, The Circle's Partirank puts a number to internet participation. Mae spends countless overtime hours Zinging, posting, commenting, and sharing on her Inner- and Outer-Circle feeds to raise her rank, hours she could have spent thinking of new ideas, talking to her parents, or getting some much needed rest. These numerical values become a competition in our world where we place so much importance on being number one. Look at the school system and you can see the heavy weight of competition prominent throughout-- between exams, standardized tests, and overall grades, students are pressured to get the highest score they can manage, even moreso in countries outside the U.S. like China and Germany.

The problem here is not necessarily that people want to be number one, as a little competition is healthy and keeps us stimulated, but that in attempting to obtain the top rank, be it literally through The Circle's party rank, or through likes and followers online, reality is forgotten. How many times have you gone out with friends or hung out at someone's house, and though you were all gathered in the same place, each person was glued to their individual phone screen? Maybe it's because I'm just a boring person, but I often find myself talking to the side or top of someone's face as they look at their phone instead of me while I'm telling a story. Mae, though she has spend perhaps too many hours glued to a screen, has very few close friends. She knew practically nothing about Kalden (though he is a special case), hardly spoke to Annie once her career starting developing, and rarely met up with any other coworkers outside of work. This lack of close, personal relationships is also evident in today's society; sure, you have a million followers on Instagram, but how much time did you spend taking pictures, editing, commenting, and otherwise promoting online while real people passed by you without taking a second glance?

Social media has impacted the world in positive ways by creating mediums for communication and the spreading of news, but has also detracted from the development of deep relationships. The next time your phone buzzes with a new notification from Instagram, stop and think who you might be ignoring by swiping right, for glancing away could find you a new friend or a stronger bond with those you love.

Cellophane (You Never Know the Camera's There)

As you read through The Circle, there surely were moments in which you thought, "Come on, Mae, this is obviously such a bad idea." Maybe it was when she gave that uncomfortable thirty-second handjob to Francis, or when she snuck into the bathroom with Kalden for another unwanted (at least on our behalf) sexual encounter. Probably, if you live in any country that has at least a smidgen of democracy, you groaned in despair when she agreed (or was rather persuaded) to go transparent. This topic of transparency deserves further scrutiny; can we see such actions in our culture or as a benefit to ourselves nationally?

For Mae, in The Circle, we can almost clearly see how poorly this is going to turn out, even without finishing more than half of the book. The Circle controls everything, and within the span of a few months, has gained control of even more aspects of life in the novel. It has already been projected by the company that "completion" will be reached within another few months. Though we don't understand exactly what "completion" entails, it is alarmingly clear it will lead to total power of The Circle, whether it will be used in favor of the people, or fall into corruption like so many powers in history have.

The idea of transparency, at least on a political level, however, does seem rather appealing. Especially in 2016, with such a widely-covered presidential election in a few weeks, citizens especially want to know as much information as possible regarding who they will be electing to represent the country. I, admittedly, know very little solid, factual information about the candidates, be it Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. What I do know is many people consider Hillary to be one big liar. This is something I have only heard through word of mouth, mainly from people who are not Hillary supporters. I bet, though, that such people that subscribe to this common idea that Hillary Clinton is a liar would pay good money to attach a camera to her chest and make her film her every move from the moment she awakens to the very last second before she goes to sleep. The same can be said for those who do not support Donald Trump; wouldn't you like to know what such an eccentric and wealthy guy does in his free time?

The Circle definitely has the right idea in believing that attaching a camera focused on someone will change their behavior, typically for the better. We all try to put our best face forward whenever there is a camera pointed at us; who wants an ugly photo of ourselves to be uploaded to the internet or shared with other friends? Mae has noticeably changed her behavior, too, by not meeting up with or calling after Kalden and by intentionally smiling while watching Circlers play a game even though her thoughts were running wild. So we think, if these politicians were followed by a camera practically 24/7, their behavior would change for the better, too.

These cameras do not need to be on at night once Mae and the other transparent people are getting ready to sleep and this is often when many crimes and "unthinkable" acts are committed. Think frats, apartments, sexual assaults, clowns. All happening when the cameras are off. Mae, perfect, transparent Mae, turns her camera off, drinks vodka, and meets Francis to have more awkward sex all while her camera sits in her dorm room.

In terms of privacy, transparency breaches practically all boundaries. Mae has very little time to just relax and be truly alone. In the YouTube community, where many content makers not only create videos to post online, but also video their daily lives in vlogs, this loss of privacy is also seen. One of the biggest, original YouTubers Jenna Marbles, mentioned in a video, "You might know me on the internet, but I don't know who you are," in regards to fans coming to her house and demanding various things of her. Not only is she sharing her life with millions of people on the internet, these people are also breaching her privacy outside of what she is willing to share.

Transparency, due to its controversial nature and its capability to breach privacy, should be avoided or kept at a minimum in real life. The Circle serves as an example of what we don't want to do in striving for a more open and overall better life and the dangers technology can bring.

Secrets Can Be Fun, Surprises Show Caring, Privacy Is Personal

Eamon convinces Mae in their meeting that all secrets, any secret she's ever kept, from something as simple as feigning surprise upon her entrance to his office to omitting any information she learns about Kalden to Annie, is equivalent to lying, that she is stealing others' rights to knowledge of anything going on in the world. Members of the Circle are ready to accept this mantra; they share, quite frankly, too much of their lives on social media and are a part of a large collective to better society through a permeating transparency. Yet, these mantras announced at a special Dream Friday to thousands of Circlers are actually controlling and can lead to overpowering leadership.

Each time Mae ventures off campus and kayaks in the bay, a number of Circlers are personally offended that she had not posted or shared any information to the InnerCircle or to any groups related to kayaking. What exactly could the members of these kayak interest groups or Mae's followers do if they had known she was out kayaking? Tell her not to go because they are not there? Would they even come out to me her if she offered? Mae even mentioned to Eamon that her kayaking trips are spur of the moment, usually in a bout of frustration to let off some steam. Mae clearly doesn't want any company or she would think to Zing or text somebody in regards to meeting up.

Sure, secrets can be harmful, say if diplomats are cheating the system behind citizens' backs or if a loved one finds a suspicious spot on their body but does not share until many months later when there is little modern medicine can do to help, but secrets can also be positive. Secrets can lead to heartwarming surprises, think birthday parties and gifts, wedding announcements, and even something as simple as spending some time alone doing something you love.

For instance, just this Tuesday on my walk back across campus from my morning class, I received a text from my mother informing me that she, and my father, were turning onto campus and that they'd be picking me up to go to lunch. She hadn't told me until then that they would be in the area for a business trip, or that they planned for a quick visit. According to Eamon, I should be miffed, offended even, that such crucial information had been withheld from me. Instead, I was elated, I would see my parents after several weeks and I would get free lunch! Rather than feeling uncared for or left out, it was quite the opposite; I was excited, more so than had I known ahead of time, because the surprise had become the highlight of an otherwise humdrum day. I did not feel that knowledge had been stolen from me, or that my mother owed me an explanation as to why she did not tweet, Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat her entire trip or video the drive from Pittsburgh to State College.

These mantras, generally, can be applied to bigger picture aspects of the world, like government or large corporations, but to the extend workers at The Circle take it, they become overbearing and oppressive.

Relationships Are a Tango For Two (Privacy and Intimacy That Is)

Privacy is a tricky thing; in certain circumstances personal privacy is thwarted by the importance of obtaining information, like when the police conduct an investigation to bring down terrorism or in the placement of CCTV cameras to attempt to heighten community safety. And other times-- most of the time-- privacy is held at the highest of values, something that many people around the world fight everyday to protect.

Intimacy is equally tricky. Intimacy is something, similarly, that is yearned for most of the time, but is not necessary or needed every minute of every day. At times we wish for someone to hold close, to comfort us when we miss our parents or didn't do so well on a critical exam, or especially when a friend gloats about her boyfriend that brings her food when she prioritizes studying over nutrition. Yet, other times, we turn away from intimacy. We feel strong, independent, we prove we can handle ourselves, or intimacy is just plain inappropriate for the circumstances.

On the subject of relationships, privacy and intimacy share this same sort of confusing tango between not enough and too much. As solitary humans, privacy is held higher than intimacy; we keep certain aspects of ourselves at home, away from the eyes of others, a term Psychology calls our "Private Self". Once we enter an established relationship, however, privacy decreases, making room for greater intimacy between partners. One can think of the relationship between privacy and intimacy as a sliding scale: as we move into meaningful relationships, both platonic and romantic, the scale slides towards intimacy as the relationship progresses. This can happen at any pace, solely dependent on the persons involved, and their comfort and willingness to be open to each other. Conversely, the scale can move from intimacy to privacy as relationships change, develop, and dissipate. Problems arise, as seen between Mae and Francis, when we are pushed into intimacy sooner than is comfortable and therefore our privacy is breached.

Mae and Fransis' budding relationship comes to a grinding halt during Gus Khazeni's LuvLuv presentation. The entire basis of this new program is to search through any given person's entire internet history to give prospective lovers solid data to craft the "perfect date" scenario through information discovered about said person's preferences, medical history, so on and so forth. Mae, as any other person would be, is mortified by Francis volunteering to share all of her personal information with the group gathered for the presentation. All of her possible allergies are listed, as well as further receipts backing up the data, for everyone in the auditorium to see and, if this product is launched, potentially the entire world.

She mentions herself she "couldn't put her finger on" what had "so mortified her during Gus's presentation," but it is obvious she feels her privacy was disregarded (126). Yet, this brings another mention to the complexity of privacy; as Francis assured her, "everything that had been on screen was publicly available" already from her multiple social media profiles, so technically anybody could amass this information themselves, without the need for LuvLuv (126). Based on the logic of Francis, and Gus, and surely many other Circlers, Mae's privacy has not been affected due to the public nature of the internet, but Mae's personal feeling and basis of privacy has been hurt. We can then see how this perceived breach of privacy soils the intimacy between Francis and Mae, as Mae no longer feels her privacy can be trusted with Francis.

Through the fall-out between Francis and Mae, the intricate web between privacy and intimacy can begin to be unraveled. As we move towards intimacy, privacy becomes of lesser importance between those we love, but, still, without privacy, we feel we can share no intimacy with our partners.

Fresh Meat: Joining a Community

Becoming an integral part of a new group, team, or community is one of the many struggles of being a "newbie" in those institutions. In Mae's first few weeks of her career at The Circle, she is instantly surrounded by thousands of new people, enumerable opportunities and events, and all this new information is available at the touch of her fingertips. Much in the same way, an incoming first-year Penn Stater is hit full-frontal with 43,000 students, global-standard education, and more activities, clubs, and responsibilities than one person can handle. These institutions are more similar than at first glance-- not just a leading technology company and a world-class university, different as night and day. As Mae transitions into her new life as a Circler, a Penn State freshman such as myself can notice similarities between the two institutions, between values, mantras, and practices.

At The Circle, Mae is debriefed on one of the companies main values: "Community First" (Eggers 47). Dan, her Customer Experience supervisor, advised that community is "just as important as the work we do here... we want to make sure that you can be a human being here too" (Eggers 47). It becomes very clear to Mae just how important being a community is to Circlers. Within her first week at the company, she is pranked by her best friend Annie and invited to a campus-wide tiki party. Each new person she meets is overtly polite and friendly, seemingly eager to get to know her and her involvement with The Circler community thus far. 

Almost identical to The Circle, Penn State holds a set of six values, community being perhaps one of the most prevalent in everyday life in Happy Valley. During the application process, while attending NSO, during move-in and the activities organized for first-year students, these values are pushed and reinforced in every possible outlet and medium. Just during orientation, these values, with an emphasis on Penn State's thriving community, were included in at least three presentations, presentations that every Penn State freshman was required to attend. These values are even posted on the University website for any prospect students or curious inquirers to read: "We work together for the betterment of our University, the communities we serve, and the world" (Penn State). These efforts to instill the six values seem to be paying off, however, as many sources cite the Penn State Alumni Network as the largest dues-paying network in the world, creating an easily accessible community of Penn Staters all across the globe.

Both institutions share methods of "fostering community," though the mediums of these methods differ where The Circle obviously uses its state of the art, cutting edge social medias and technologies (Eggers 47). Like The Circle, Penn State hosts events to bring the community together: athletic games, club meetings discussing any and all topics, study groups, philanthropy, you name it, we have it. And, naturally, both institutions share the same, most common, most highly loved (though perhaps least classy) method of gathering the community: parties. Parties are a classic way to bring together a community, and I'm not strictly talking the kind you don't tell your parents about. Mae attends her first party at The Circle and meets Francis, and is in turn exposed to the rest of the Circler community. It's easy to deduce: you want to meet new people, there's hundreds of people at this party, you should go to the party if you want to meet new people.

Community is a value that is strived for in large institutions to create a sense of belonging and family. 

Sources used in this post:

Eggers, Dave. The Circle: A Novel. N.p.: n.p., n.d. Print. 

"Penn State Values." PSU Finance & Business |. N.p., n.d. Web. 08 Sept. 2016. 

Little Cub Eats

Have you ever stood at the storefront of an enticing smelling Chinese restaurant intrigued by the aroma of soy sauce and chicken, but too afraid to venture out of your prescribed box of pre-approved restaurants? Do you ever habitually avoid that one Austrian restaurant for fear of being naive about the menu and disliking the food?

Me too, buddy.

It seems everyone in Happy Valley is already privy to the diners and dives located around University Park. How does everyone already know their favorite places to grab a quick bite between lectures or have a spontaneous bubble tea at 9 at night? I'm from Pennsylvania, about three hours west in Pittsburgh, yet I feel as if I'm halfway across the country with no knowledge of my surroundings. Predictably, I already know and love common staples like Noodles & Company, Five Guys, and Chick-fil-a, as is typical amongst Pennsylvanians at the very least. But everybody made a big deal coming here about "opportunities" and "diversity", raving about all the exciting new discoveries and experiences I'll have at Penn State, so why should I, and the rest of us, limit myself to what I already know?

This blog will be dedicated to trying as many restaurants within State College as humanly possible, be it for a quick bite between classes, a night out with friends, or to treat myself for all the hard work I (hopefully) will be completing.

You say, "Wow, Kylie. That sounds great and all, but eating out so frequently is expensive and impractical." And you're right.

The goal of this blog is not to simply eat at a restaurant and give a recommendation. As a fellow college freshman, I travel 100% by foot, by choice and also because I can't have a car, and am too afraid to sacrifice my now highly valued free-time to apply for a job, so believe me when I say I understand the struggle. These reviews will take into consideration "the struggle" and each dining experience will be rated with these aspects in mind:

Was the restaurant close/easy to get to? Does it accept Lioncash+? Did my bank account cry when I received the check?

Each post will also include my personal recommendation and a more formal assessment of quality, quantity, flavor, and other important aspects of eating out. Through these posts, I hope to lessen the intimidation of going to a new restaurant, not only for you, but also for me, and to provide a comprehensive guide to eating out at Penn State.

Grab a friend and plan an exciting night out, or treat yourself to something special and enjoy your new life here in Happy Valley!